I have talked about the deer so many times. That picture is posted so many places to remind me of His nearness in my time of complete desperation. This deer approached me at the end of this day last year in front of the Nile river at sunset, and placed his hoof in my hand and his head in my chest. The deer was so gentle towards me and brought peace. I immediately recalled all the times in scripture where God uses a deer as a reference. The one that has stuck the most is Psalm 18:31-33, "For who is God, but the Lord? And who is a rock except our God?- the God who equipped me with strength and made my way blameless. He made my feet like the feet of a deer and set me secure on the heights." I held on to the word "secure" as His promise that there was purpose in this.
Today, a year later, it still hurts. I miss him everyday, but I am ok. He has shown up and so lovingly assured me of His purpose. I can not share all of the details, but it is because of Marvin's life and death that I am moving to Uganda to work in a ministry that I am so passionate about. Because of his life, I will now get to be a part of helping to bring freedom and healing to many children. It is so humbling and has brought so much healing, to know that He used my brokenness to bring freedom to children immediately following Marvin's death. Then He gave me a role in a ministry where I get to do this full time. And now I realize that my whole life, He has been preparing me for this.
For years I have seen the numbers 6,1,7 on almost a daily basis. If you are around me a lot, I have probably pointed this out when I saw it or asked you what it meant. I always felt like it was a number from God, but I had no idea what it meant. During this past year, I have had some really low points in my walk with God begging Him to show up and allow me to agree with the psalmist that God is really for me. My church is going through Hebrews and so I opened my bible to Hebrews 6. Hebrews 6 :17 grabbed my attention because it talks the "unchangeable character of his purpose". I kept reading and came to Hebrews 6: 19, "We have this, as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul." The vision of Him as an anchor has stuck. I knew in that moment that He has given a gift, the gift of anchoring His love so deep into us that no matter what happens we know that He is for us and we are not shaken. It has brought so much peace as I move forward.
I thought that my new anchor theme and Hebrews 6: 17-19 was the answer to why I had seen this number so much. Everywhere I would go, I would see anchors. I still see the numbers 6,1,7 and anchors almost daily and it is a reminder that He is the sure and steadfast anchor of my soul. Then, God quickly provided funds and it came time to book our one way flights to Uganda. It was a stressful week because we looked at so many flights and they were much more expensive than we had budgeted for. We were connected with a travel agency that was helping us look for flights and asked them to look for the cheapest flights anytime after the first week in June. We told them we could be flexible with our dates. I should have seen this coming. They wrote us back and said the best day for us to fly to Uganda would be June 17th (6/17)! He has been telling me for years, even though I didn't know what it meant, that He knew the exact day that I would leave. He has been at work in my life for years in ways I have never known, until recently.
And then I think back to May 17th. I am reminded that without May 17th, there would be no June 17th date of a one way ticket to Uganda. The pain of losing Marvin is still there, but it is combined with a restored vision that He has been and will continue to be the Rock that sets us secure. And I pray that the love and hope of Christ are anchored so deeply in me, that in ALL circumstances I know He is for me.
