Since I got home from Uganda on April 5th, there has not been one day that I have not thought about that country and wondered about the people I love there. I thought as time went by, my thoughts and feelings of Uganda would fade. The exact opposite has happened and for months I have wondered why my passion for this country continues to grow. It's been frustrating at times to try to discern what this all means. I love babies. I love Uganda. I love what I do here in the US. I love the thought of life in Uganda. I don't want to leave my job here. My heart wants to go back to Uganda. I feel like God is telling me to stay here and go to Uganda. That's impossible.

The same questions that I was asking and writing in my journal the week I got back have been burning within me for months. What now? I want to share with you what I wrote in my journal on Easter,

It's Easter Sunday. Im sitting in church. All I can think about if those kids in Uganda. The pastor is talking about certainty. I am certain that I know Jesus. I am certain that He commands us to "go make disciples." I am uncertain what that leads to now. Am I supposed to go back to Uganda? Why can't I stop thinking about those kids? Why can't I sleep? Why does my house, my community, and even my church feel so unlike home? Why do I feel out of place in places that two weeks ago I felt secure and comfortable? Is this the reverse culture shock people talk about? I've never experienced this before and I've left the country many times. Will it all go away with time once I go back to work and settle back into life?

Now the pastor is talking about Luke 24. These people see Jesus and they don't just head out to lunch and forget his sermon. They see Jesus and their lives are FOREVER changed. They bank their lives on the single truth that Jesus is alive. Their lives are transformed.

I've seen Jesus in Uganda in a way that I've never seen Him before. I relate to these men. I can't forget how I've experienced Him. My life has been transformed, but what does remembering look like now? Jesus, Im sure these men asked the same question, "Now what?

There are so many more entries where I talk about feeling stuck between 2 worlds and trying to understand what it all means. I knew God had a purpose in it all, but walking forward in that trust was hard.

A few weeks ago, I received an email from my friend at Visiting Orphans. She said that there are many baby homes throughout Uganda that are in need and Visting Orphans has decided to create a "Baby Team". She said she felt like I was the person that needed to lead a team b/c I had a passion for babies and Uganda and it would be a great fit!! So Ill be going to Uganda in October, in February, and in May!! May will be the first "Baby Team." So as I have been struggling and praying and searching for how all this fits together, God has been orchestrating all these details for a baby team! That's the kind of God we serve, one that fits all the pieces together! We just have to wait on His perfect timing.